You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
