Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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