I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have fence marks all over my body
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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