the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
