I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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