This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
