she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
