Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You are the jesus of drinking
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
