So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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