omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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