if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My feet surprised me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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