smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
