I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
