He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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