but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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