i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
