I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
