I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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