I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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