margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
