Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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