whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
