If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
