Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
