I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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