Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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