I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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