Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my shit smells like andre
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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