So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
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