i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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