ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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