I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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