Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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