She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize