Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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