My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
