I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
