You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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