if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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