Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
