Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
