I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
