I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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