Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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