We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
