well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
