I have demons in me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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