She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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