I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
