Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
