The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
