Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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