im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
