So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
