My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
