I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
