I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
