I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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