I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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