this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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