He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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