Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
