I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
