So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
