I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
