But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
